A Servant of the Lord

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with
thee; Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of
our death.
This prayer to the mother of Jesus has
been unfamiliar and even uncomfortable to me.
Raised a Lutheran, as I was, there were the three – God, the Father,
Jesus, the Son and the Holy Spirit whom we called the Holy Ghost. There was no female figure in the mix – and
the idea of praying to a intercessor – someone to mediate and somehow speed
along my prayer seemed unreal. Even
though I was named for the Virgin Mary – my siblings are Elizabeth and David –
I didn’t really have a place for her in my religious framework, except as a
walk-on player in the Christmas pageant with the one famous line – “Here I am,
the servant of the Lord. Let it be with
me according to your Word.” So I have come slowly to wondering about Mary and
her place in the heart of Christianity.
And her place in my own heart. What strikes me most about Mary is that
she is a regular Jewish girl, engaged to man named Joseph, living her life in a
righteous way in her small town of Nazareth.
So Mary is like us – doing the best she can, and she is very young by
our standards, though life expectancy was much lower in those times. Then Mary’s world and whole life are
radically changed upsidedown by the
appearance of the angel Gabriel, sent by God.
If I heard from an unfamiliar angel-like apparition that I was chosen by
God to bear the savior of the world my first instinct would be to dial up the
psychiatric department at Kaiser. Angels
don’t break into our lives and turn things upside down now, do they? Or do they?
I propose that angels do appear all the time in our lives – sometimes we
are able to see them and know them and their influence – and sometimes we are blind
to their action in the world. I was
intrigued by Rev. Amber’s ideas about Kronos and Kairos – time as a measurement
and time as exists in the Kingdom of God.
God time and people time. Mary’s experience with the angel must have
been an experience in Kairos – a moment out of the world with the power of
God. I know we strive to achieve God’s
time when we meditate – losing all sense of people time and resting in the time
that belongs to God. I know that I have
experienced some moments out of time along this journey and that they were moments
that I grasped as holy and sacred – I wanted to go back and live in those
moments. So I wonder how Mary thought about her encounter with the Angel. She only asked one question – how can this
be? And when she got the answer – the Lord will come upon you and overshadow
and the child will be Holy, the Son of God, she made up her mind and said
ok. Here I am your humble servant. Let it happen the way you say it will. I’m all in. By the Grace of God I am all in.
I used to be very careful with my time –
raising three children and working full time, sometimes going to school,
too. Time was a precious commodity. So when someone asked me to do something
extra – I had to consider long and hard how I would work it into my schedule.
Sometimes I had to say no, and then after several no’s, people stopped
asking. In some ways I was a hard case –
I was afraid of putting myself out there, afraid of failure or looking foolish. Afraid of acting more important than I really
was. My insecurity stood between my time
and God’s time, more than my busy life did.
And so when an angel broke through in God’s time to put my life
upsidedown, as angels or the spirit do with all of us, I didn’t have that
lovely response Mary had – here I am your servant – I will do whatever you want
me to. I am always dragged kicking and
resisting into the new life God has for
me – and then I see – oh! This is what is meant. For instance, last summer I lost my job as
Nutritional Services Manager at Sonoma Valley Hospital mostly due to my
resistance to the “new” policies about money being more important than the
patients. The way I saw it. And I had struggled for a year with the new
administration to avoid this outcome – thinking I needed my job to survive and
that the Nutrition Department wouldn’t survive without me. To say that I was devastated when they let me
go doesn’t even touch it. But I have
come to see that sacred circumstances have brought me to a new place in my life
– a place of “yes” – now I have time. An opportunity to get the education I
always wanted. And now the Open Cathedral in Oakland. It is amazing how “yes” changes your
life. John Trubina, the deacon who
started the East Bay Open Cathedral, asked me to join them at 2pm on Sundays
and I said yes even though I usually save Sunday afternoon and evenings for my
kids. He asked me to be on the Bishop’s
Committee as Open Cathedral becomes a special mission to the church and I
hesitated and then the words “yes, I’m in” came out of my mouth. I wonder if it was like that for Mary – here
I am, your servant, do with me as you will.
A response in God’s time. And
then later – wondering how it will all work out in people time. So far it has. And spending time with the most poor, forgotten,
hungry folks in Oakland has been an experience in God’s time. Last Sunday afternoon John and I walked under
an overpass in a quiet, dark corner of the city and carried a box of bag
lunches with us. We saw some folks under
a tarp and walked slowly over with our box.
John said, “Would you like some lunch?”
Yes, they said, sure. So we gave
them bags and asked if there were any others.
And out of the corners of the pile of tarp and boxes came three others –
in the end we gave them the whole box and we asked for a photo. They were gracious enough to let us take
their picture which is now on the Open Cathedral website – we told them we
wanted to tell people about how folks lived on the streets and they wanted us
to tell the story. It was an experience in God’s time out of time. Then I went
home and made dinner for my kids – and watched the end of the football game
with them. And wondered in my heart what
it all means. I wonder what Mary did after the angel left. Did she get up and make dinner? Did she feel able to tell someone like her
own mother about her experience. Did she
feel humbled to find herself in God’s time?
I do. I am in awe of God’s time,
I feel afraid to go there, but I love it when I do. When I say yes to God’s invitation I feel afraid
that it is too big for me, but afterwards I am grateful for the moments in
Sacred Space and time. Being a person
for God in God’s time only takes the word “Yes”. Mary’s “yes” to unknown
circumstances and experiences, yes to certain heartbreak and unconditional
love.
What I have found in my beginning
relationship with Mary is the strength to say Yes to whatever God has in store
for me, a servant of the Lord. And I ask
Mary to give me courage by her ultimate example of grace and faith to help me
along the Way.

Amen.


Luke 1:26-38
Advent 4B
December 18, 2011